The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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