lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
