We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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