dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
