The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
