Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
