Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
