i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
