with your own penis?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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