You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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