your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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