grandma shit on top of the toilet
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
