So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
