hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
