If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
