I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
