I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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