Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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