Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
