Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
