Pregnant stripper...not hot.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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