cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
