were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
