My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
