How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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