just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
