Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Michael Bay diarrhea
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
