I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dicks are not precious.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
