when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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