Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
