I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You smell like stripper and shame
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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