part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
