i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
