Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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