When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
