He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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