I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
