OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
