I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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