i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
