hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
zippers are such a cool invention
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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