i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
