He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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