Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
