She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
