he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
