we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
