she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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