Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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