Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
